Reminiscences

Sleep eludes me for reasons all known
In a land of fantasy I wander alone
A flutter so loud, a thud so near
These sounds so strange, so familiar yet unclear
Red roses, ravens and rainbows bright
Escape I must, must start my flight.

A flood has erupted, my lids are drenched
Drudgery, a dagger, and restlessness I sense
Perhaps I should...but no that would be imbecile
Let me just wait, ponder and gaze for a while
This meadow is vast and the grass is green,
The air so fresh but my heart not serene

I think of times gone by, I shiver and I cry
Could it be possible to give it a try
The memories flood my mind as I attempt to shut them out
All I think of is that night and her piercing shout.
I jump and shudder, a chill goes down my spine
Will I ever be normal, will I ever be fine?

Night after night I toss and turn
Apparently the gods of slumber are a bit too stern
As I lie down cold and completely awake
I wonder how long I will last before I break
An accident they called it, but I know better
I must confess, perhaps I can write a letter

Be firm, this needs to be written for sure
The pen shakes in my hands, the words so obscure
How do I start, is there a way to explain
The moment is gone but forever I will feel the pain
Thoughts tempt me; let it be blamed on fate
Yet my heart is a witness, it is a bleeding slate.

She had cried for help, her eyes screamed despair
The night was young, no it just wasn’t fair
Two decades of friendship flashed before my eyes
Surely this nightmare would end, it had to be a lie
I stood there a second too long
She would make it, I knew she was strong

But I saw her gasp and cry and take that final breath
The night blinded me, it was my first encounter with death
The pain so excruciating, I knew that my heart bled
My mind was blank, not a single tear I shed
I just stood there, my feet weighed a million pounds
Finally gave up and collapsed to the ground

The evening before is still so intense and vivid
We were adults out of college, we finally did it
Graduation had been grand, we were bright and proud
“The future is ours”, we screamed out loud
An end and a beginning, we wanted to be great
But for then we just rushed to celebrate.

We were giddy with excitement, it was our night after all
Friends and music and of course alcohol
We felt so invincible, all night we would party
Now looking back, the universe begged for some clarity
We had a drink too many and were high on life
Piled into a car, all ready for a midnight drive

The brakes screeched, the lights were glaring,
My brain pounded, the horns were blaring.
It was all so incomprehensible till I looked at her
Bidding me that final goodbye, it was all such a blur.
I lost a friend that night, I gained the guilt
The desire was drained, yet life was to be rebuilt

Years have passed by, I sure have moved on
The naivety has shrunk and the invincibility gone.
Decisions were poor, to this date I repent,
But I write this to let my experience be lent.
Life is a ticking clock, manage it be wise
I close my memoir with this heartfelt advice